One healing step in moving past the pain and devastation of your divorce, to a place where you feel good about yourself and ready to date again, is to switch the lens you use to view yourself. As what was once loving in your marriage slipped away, your ex may have begun to see you more critically, and perhaps unkindly. You may have been told that you gained weight, needed to do something about your hair, talked too much, spent too much money, might benefit from a cooking lesson, nagged, were lazy, messy, forgetful or any of many criticisms that diminished your view of yourself.
That marriage is behind you now. Your ex’s vision may be clouded by anger, grief, regret and possibly even a punitive longing to further damage your self-esteem. It’s your job to stop letting your ex define you. Be powerful. Today you get to choose the lens that sees the beautiful, intelligent, kind and charismatic person you are. This is the view you must bring into the world. See yourself through the eyes of your friends, family, colleagues and your loving and supportive community.
Remember the View Finder toys we played with as children? A light push of your index finger rotated the picture reel. Think about the Viewfinder you use to see yourself. When your ex’s unflattering opinion of you creeps into your beliefs about who you are, imagine the light push of your index finger bringing you to a better, and certainly more accurate, view.
Personal note: I have two full length mirrors in my home. One, for reasons I don’t understand, always makes me look better than the other. As part of my own divorce recovery, each day before leaving my home, I stand in front of the more flattering mirror. I love the way I look in this mirror. It is a small, but important, step to take this view of myself into the world each day.
That marriage is behind you now. Your ex’s vision may be clouded by anger, grief, regret and possibly even a punitive longing to further damage your self-esteem. It’s your job to stop letting your ex define you. Be powerful. Today you get to choose the lens that sees the beautiful, intelligent, kind and charismatic person you are. This is the view you must bring into the world. See yourself through the eyes of your friends, family, colleagues and your loving and supportive community.
Remember the View Finder toys we played with as children? A light push of your index finger rotated the picture reel. Think about the Viewfinder you use to see yourself. When your ex’s unflattering opinion of you creeps into your beliefs about who you are, imagine the light push of your index finger bringing you to a better, and certainly more accurate, view.
Personal note: I have two full length mirrors in my home. One, for reasons I don’t understand, always makes me look better than the other. As part of my own divorce recovery, each day before leaving my home, I stand in front of the more flattering mirror. I love the way I look in this mirror. It is a small, but important, step to take this view of myself into the world each day.
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